I'm on it!

Ok  so this morning I am determined. I gained half a pound  last night which isn't bad for two weeks but it isn't good either!!!! I'm still puzzled by my relationship with food but seeing as it's been that way for 60+ years I guess it will be hard to figure!!! Last night in group I decided to try eating little and often. I think I also need to change up what I am eating.

This morning i've been shopping and come home with a few different things. Tonight when I get a moment I will go through the recipes in the new magazine and perhaps plan the week. This morning's new food was Heck sausages! I am not overly keen on the SW sausages unless in a casserole but these Chicken Italia sausages were not at all bad! Syns Online told me that 2 sausages = 1/2 syn. Well worth it I feel.

My challenge will be this evening as I am going to my book club at 6.30 pm and if the past is anything to go by then I will have to force myself to eat properly when I get home. I could cook something before I go but I have now left it too late as I am in a school this afternoon. My determination MUST win out! I just wish I was a fan of the SW frozen meals but I am not sold on them. They would make my life easier.

Anyway, my SW journey started as I wanted to lose weight for my son's wedding. I figured that photos would be in display for many a year and I really didn't want people to see a 'fat me' in them! Vanity or what?! I did well and bought an amazingly expensive outfit for the special day. So this morning I've looked back at those photos and others that were taken around the same time. My resolve now is to firstly get back into these outfits and then to do better, perhaps with them being too big! I can dream, but as I always tell people: 'follow your dreams!'

Sorry Sue!

Firstly, apologies to Sue! I promised I would get back to this blog a couple of weeks ago but just haven't done so. I could make endless excuses about being far too busy, other demands on my time, ICT issues etc etc and some of that would be applicable, but the real truth is that I have yet again been veering off plan. I've said before that for some strange reason I feel bound to tell the truth on here. I could say anything and no one would really know if I was being honest but I just can't do that!!!! So, what's happening?

Well, a short while ago I went through a very difficult time personally and stopped eating. That was the first time I can ever remember doing so and I wouldn't recommend it as a weight loss plan! Yes, I lost 8 lbs in two weeks and it really did show, but I knew it was not weight that would stay off. Once I began to eat again the weight returned, although I remain a couple of pounds lighter than I was. At the moment I am eating though I am not enthused by food. The personal issues have not gone away, but  I am better at processing them. One particular issue is a very painful one that cannot have a good outcome so I must learn to accept this and to manage it without resorting to misusing food. This recent episode has taught me a great deal about my relationship with food in that I can now see clearly how some people develop real issues and disorders. I found that although I was, and still am, helpless to change or control some of the events in my life, I could control food. I believe that not eating was my way of feeling that I was in control of something. Similarly, eating everything that is not nailed down is me feeling in charge.

Now I have no solutions for any of this but at least I have recognised it in myself. For many years I have wondered why I do what I do with my diet. Now I think I know! I just have to work on a solution. So at the moment I am slowly reintroducing gym sessions to my life (yes I stopped going there too!) and I am attempting to plan my menus. On the whole I stick to the meal plan but struggle
with the 'extras'.  I don't have much of an appetite and many is the time that I cook what is planned
only to feel that I really don't want to eat it! I am only eating small amounts, so much so that my daughter commented this week: 'Is that all you are having?' A surprising comment as she is tall and slim, completely the opposite to me! She eats healthily and watches her weight. I like to think that her mum has  influenced this, hopefully by providing good advice etc but probably by being a bad example at times!!!

Anyway, weigh in tonight (I couldn't get there last week) and I am hoping that I maintain. I think realistically I will have gained. If I have then tomorrow is another day and another week. I have the desire to lose this weight but is it burning enough? No excuses now but I am not sure. I guess I need to process a few more thoughts!

See you at the scales!!!!

Me and my girl!

The future is a spiral

Easter was too good an excuse to take my foot off the pedal so I've been missing from here  for a few days! To be honest life has been pretty challenging of late so I was feeling the need to be ultra kind to myself. Despite the fact that I really do like currant buns, I resisted all temptations over Easter save for Good Friday when I set off for the 'proper bakers' and bought some hot cross buns. There were complaints at home about the cost of said buns but to my mind if you re going to indulge then might as well go for the best quality! The good thing about the baker's buns is that they don't keep as well as the soft supermarket variety, so I wasn't tempted to eat any leftovers the day after. Those I left to others who messed around toasting them!

Saturday was altogether a quiet day so I managed to make good choices except for the odd chocolate egg from the bowl in the other room. Well, it was Easter! Sunday was a struggle though. We went out to lunch and despite the fact that I promised myself to refuse all temptation, it didn't pan out that way!   The first  downfall was a champagne cocktail -  Fortunately only the one as I was the designated driver.  There was desert though! We had been given a gigantic chocolate panettone at Christmas from Carluccio's and rather rashly I had declared that we would use it to make bread and butter pudding at Easter. I was hoping that it would be forgotten, but it wasn't and my friend who was making lunch duly collected said panettone to make the pudding. She did a grand job and so I found myself saying " ok just a very small portion'. Why is it that my small portion bears no resemblance to the small portion dished out by anyone else? It was delicious! Come time to go home and there being a massive portion of the pudding left she ladled loads of it into a Tupperware tub for me to take home. 😕

On Monday I was cooking dinner for my son and daughter in law as it was his birthday over the
weekend. The birthday boy/girl always gets to choose their birthday dinner in our house. (It's been
that way since they were little and neither wants to give up the tradition) So, chicken biriyani it was. I
made ice cream too, though I confess I bought apple pie from M&S! When they arrived it was champagne again! (I don't mean that to sound as bad as it does!). I was doing well, just eating rice and chicken, and imagining that I would avoid desert when my daughter in law produced chocolate fudge cake for the birthday boy! Yet again I found myself eating a desert that I really should have avoided.


The positive thing in all of this is that I was able to pack a 'doggie bag' for my son and so offloaded most of the leftovers including the Tupperware tub full of panettone pudding! What a result!!!!

Anyway it's no surprise that at class this week I had another gain! My husband protested that he couldn't understand why until I pointed out that every week I am tempted by: "go on, one chocolate
won't hurt", "just have one biscuit they are very good", "just a small piece of chocolate won't make any difference" , " a small glass won't hurt". Well, maybe one of something would not make too much
difference, but one of each of them is not good news!!!!

Today has been a better day. Well I am off on a cruise to the Norweigian Fjords on Monday for a week, so I must make every effort until Monday or the cruise, together with a missed week at SW will equal even more of a weight loss disaster!

I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast . In an attempt to be very prepared and to stay on plan I got out my spiralyser and found as many vegetables as I could in the fridge. At lunch time I had 2 SW sausages in a roll with spiralyser onion, leeks and peppers. It was yummy!

I made samosas on Monday so had 2 filo pastry sheets left which I thought I would use to make a pie. Having spiralysed an onion, carrots, leek and  turnip I fried them in Frylight with some minced beef, garlic and a beef stockpot. It's amazing how the vegetables cook down to make the pie filling thick and rich. I added sone chopped red pepper then put it in a pie dish with the filo pastry sheets on the
top. The filo pastry is just enough of a topping without it being to heavy a crust. So the pie had 6 syns
 for the pastry sheets. Not bad eh?

I've eaten plums this evening and had a Curly Wurly (6syns). That's all for today folks!

Back and forth

I knew it wouldn't be good this week and I was right - I gained a pound! Funny how you can tell without weighing yourself that you have put on. Well, I seem to be able to. There is no point in being cross with myself as things are still not back to normal in my life, whatever 'normal' means. I know I need to be back to being able to concentrate and commit to a week totally on plan and that is not likely right now. Best to do what I can and hope that I just go back and forth with the same pound or two at the moment!

Apologies again to those who were perturbed by my recent photo of cream eggs on my blog! I am surrounded by chocolate eggs until people come and collect their Easter baskets! It's hard but I think I am winning! I'm still keeping the bowl for visitors in the other room and quite often I can forget they are there!!! Fingers crossed that this weekend isn't a disaster on the chocolate front.

Last night in class I bought the new cookbook: Free Food Feasts, mostly because people have posted dishes they have made from it and they looked good. It was also new magazine time! So today I have scanned the recipes in both and picked out the ones I fancy. As luck would have it I had planned stir fry tonight so I was able to make the stir fried beef in oyster sauce on p. 67 of the magazine. Instead of noodles I made spring onion rice though. It was yummy and I will be making it again soon - so simple and quick.

In all today has not been too bad. As I sit here typing this I would really like some ice cream. Last year my daughter bought me an ice cream maker for Christmas - best present she ever bought she says. I've had a wonderful time creating different flavours and have even made SW friendly ones with 0% yoghurt, skimmed milk and sweetener. I can't honestly say it is as good as the cream and whole milk variety but it is ice cream!!!!! That's a plan for this weekend then - my Easter treat to myself - SW friendly ice cream.  I just need to look in my box of flavourings and see what takes my fancy.

Just one hurdle tomorrow - hot cross buns! I have a friend coming round for coffee and a bun. I will allow myself one but I shall go out first thing to buy fresh ones from the bakery - proper buns and not those pretend ones in the cellophane from the supermarket. If you are going to syn then syn with the best option is what I say!

All things egg shaped

My kids are not little any more; in fact they are 32 and 28. Although they are grown up with partners of their own I still like to carry on some traditions. At Christmas they still have stockings for instance, filled with many of the goodies from their childhood days - chocolate coins, marzipan logs, a satsuma and so on. So over the past few weeks I have been collecting Easter goodies for their Easter baskets. Each Easter they go off to their respective homes with a basket laden with chocolate delights only to return the empty baskets a few weeks later ready for them to be filled next year!

Yesterday I filled said baskets with bunnies, lambs and of course eggs!  I had far too many so the extras are filling a bowl on the coffee table ready for guests over Easter to help themselves. WHO AM I KIDDING?! If I can circumnavigate that coffee table without picking out a chocolate egg then I surprise myself! I know what I am doing but I cannot seem to resist. I've now removed the bowl to another room in the hopes that I won't be bothered to get up and go in there every time those damned eggs cross my mind!

On the food front, I have done a little better today. I remembered pictures of breakfast and dinner but lunch was grabbed on my way out. I'm afraid it was a Mugshot and some toast. Not that exciting but a Mugshot seems to fill me up.

The consequences of cooking my chicken in the slow cooker yesterday are that there is an awful lot of chicken to eat up! Chicken is not my husband's favourite so to persuade him to eat it again today I had to promise chips. Making them is no chore since I invested in an Actifry. It's one of the best things I have invested in recently and makes amazing chips! I'm afraid I didn't manage to eat the whole plate full but I did my best!

Little does  he know that there is STILL chicken left so it's likely to appear in a curry tomorrow! He hadn't discovered the chocolate eggs yet. Perhaps he won't  look in the other room!

Oops I've been missing!

Sorry, I've missed a couple of posts. There are reasons for  that to be honest. The first is that I have been a little busy but the other  is that I have not been optimising at all really. Oh I have tried to make good choices but will readily admit that speed foods have not been prevalent!

On Friday I met a good friend for lunch in a much visited cafe. Normally I would opt for jacket potato or perhaps eggs florentine, but I chose healthy breakfast which consisted of poached eggs, smoked salmon, tomatoes and asparagus. It came with hot buttered wholemeal toast BUT I left it on the plate! In fact I didn't finish all the breakfast but it was an improvement on recent meals.

Yesterday I managed fruit in the morning - strawberries, melon and banana. The intention was to have yoghurt too but I just didn't want it. At least I ate the fruit. I did make myself egg on toast in the early afternoon and also ate a plum and a satsuma . (Think that is somewhat balanced!)

I ventured up to Leicester Square at around 3.30 pm to try to get a ticket deal for my daughter and I as I had decided to treat her to an evening out. I have never used the ticket booths before but I braved the queue and got 2 tickets for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at the Theatre Royal in Drury Lane. My husband disputes that £29 per ticket is a deal but I considered it so! A friend had recommended 'Charlie' but I was somewhat hesitant. The Theatre Royal is a beautiful place and it sure was busy. We had seats in the upper circle and I have been caught before with a restricted view but was pleasantly surprised when we found our seats. It was not the finest view but we didn't buy the best seats in the house! We could see well though and the performance was absolutely magical.  I cannot begin to recount the amazing stage setting and the SFX they managed to create. The Oompah Loompahs were a work of genius as were the Squirrels in the factory. We were completely transported by the floating glass elevator  at the end and the final scene left us amazed and mystified at its brilliance! I  
thoroughly recommend it to you as a wonderful night out!

As we were in Covent Garden it was incredibly difficult to find a place to eat before the theatre that didn't involve queuing for some while. We tried several places but in the end had to settle for Wagamamma. As eating out goes  it's not too bad in terms of SW. I opted for chicken with a teriyaki sauce with plain rice. There's never too much sauce and it did come with a largish green salad topping. In all not too bad at all. We refused a desert as we were so full. Thankfully the interval ice creams did not tempt me. The sales girl stood right by my seat but as much ask may have fancied a small (individual) tub of Hagen Daas there was no way I was going to pay £3.50 for the pleasure! I kid you not, £3.50 for what amounts to a few small spoons full of vanilla ice cream!!

Today I've had fruit and I even managed some cheese with my HEX crackers at lunch time , balanced with a large orange! A few days ago a recipe for chicken in the slow cooker  popped up on my
timeline, so today I had a go! I cooked a whole chicken very slowly and am very impressed that it just fell off the bone and was incredibly moist. So tonight's dinner has been an improvement methinks.

Tomorrow is another day!

Apologies first....

So sorry for carrying on about relief consultants last night. I was on a roll about it on behalf of our consultant as I felt that comments made to her were not warranted. Rant over now - I think!

So today has been mixed again. I am still struggling to fancy any food but I have managed fruit and eggs until this evening. I really have felt bad about not cooking proper meals at home for the last couple of weeks so thought I would make an effort today! Chicken, ham and leek pie is a family favourite so I made one with filo pastry. The pastry sheets are 3 syns each and I used 4.
It is enough for 4 people so - 3syns each portion as the filling is free!!!

I had 2 sheets of pastry left in the packet and didn't want to waste them, so have  made samosas for the weekend, though someone is eying them up already so not sure they will make it to the weekend.  They are so easy. As I was not prepared I have just filled them with a mixture of potato and peas in madras curry powder. They are really tasty and I like them with a natural yoghurt dip! If I had planned then I would have made a filling with mince. Really you can put anything you like in them. OWhatever takes your fancy - chicken, peppers & onions maybe.

I think there are hopes that I am back in 'cooking mode' but we shall see how I feel tomorrow.  On a more positive and upbeat note, there are more strawberries around now and they are beginning to have more taste! That's a thought worth holding on to!!!!

The scores on the doors

Well, the scales showed a loss tonight - a pound and a half to be precise. I'm sure that will spur me on to try harder this coming week. Easter is on the horizon and then I'm off on a cruise for a week so I need to make the best choices in and around those times if I am to keep the recent losses off!

I said I would research the syns for the cauli rice and post on here. I thought 2 types were free but I'm afraid I was mistaken. As Carol suggested, I'm sure you could add your own herbs or sauces to the plain one if you wanted, but just in case you want the easy option, here we go:


Cauli Rice Cauli Rice, Original (200g pouch) FREE
Cauli Rice Cauli Rice, Indian Pilau (200g pouch) 2½
Cauli Rice Cauli Rice, Mediterranean (200g pouch) 1½
Cauli Rice Cauli Rice, Lemongrass & Chilli (200g pouch) 2

I have yet to try my purchase and will let you know what I think as soon as I have.  When I'm next in Sainsbury's i'll take a photo of the aisle you find the cauli rice in!

Have a good week.

Ups and downs

Let's not talk about meals today as I singularly failed on that front yet again. I will get there but not right now so I propose not to dwell on it, rather just get on with things. I was working with a new headteacher at a school this morning which was a real pleasure so when I left I was in a good frame of mind. That being the case I thought I would venture into Sainsbury's to see if I could improve my relationship with food and actually find something that I wanted to eat. I have to say that I struggled, but I found something new, well new to me. I expect you will all tell me that you have been buying them for ages!

Anyway, it kind of excited me as I am finding that I can't think about food in advance or I don't want anything, but if I decide I want to eat then I have to get something quickly. I can't spend ages preparing and cooking or the moment has passed. So, I am thinking that this just might help.........

I wasn't sure if it would contain syns but I've checked online and it's FREE! What a find methinks. I only bought one to try so that's my plan for tomorrow. Microwave in two and a half minutes? Not a problem! Here's hoping I like it. If I do then I'm back to Sainsbury's pronto. It seems a godsend for those taking lunch to work and wanting something hot instead of salad.

It's the little things! I will let you know......

A little bit lost!

Evening everyone! Today has been a strange one. There will be no recounting of meals etc as there haven't really been any! Oh, I've eaten but not a great deal save for lunch. No breakfast at all, not even any fruit. I went to a carvery with an old friend and he and I spent a good while catching up. It was good to talk though none if it was about food or weight!

I did manage to eat a small carvery meal so that was a plus and only drank diet coke. It was the conversation and company that was good for me and none of it was about food,  which is a revelation for me. Usually as soon as I arrange to meet someone, and since I retired that is almost always for lunch and on occasion dinner, I am planning where and what I am going to eat. It seems to be the focus instead if who I am meeting! I do try to stick to plan but we all know it is so easy to hide syns, especially from ourselves! Well, in the past two or three weeks my focus seems to have changed. I am no longer thinking about food most of the time and it really doesn't bother me if I don't eat. I can't believe I am saying that! The trouble is, SW tells you to eat and eat plenty. So now there is this completely different battle going on inside my head. I don't want to eat, but a little voice is telling me I should. My relationship with food has never been an easy one, and now it is not easy for completely the opposite reason.

At one point today I thought I should just give up. I always say that although I don't appear to lose much weight these days I still go to class or else I would put weight on. In my heart I know that is true but I do feel a bit of a fraud or a failure in class each Wednesday. So, I decided to look at some old photos. That was a bit of a revelation as I suddenly saw my old self again. I think that I still look the same but I could see that I don't. On Saturday I literally bumped into my old SW consultant and she told me how good I was looking and how much younger I looked. I think she said it was my longer hair that was doing that but hey, a compliment is a compliment! Anyway, take a look for yourself - a before and a now photo! What do you think?

Before SW!

Last week! 

I'm tired!

Yesterday turned out to be one of those days/evenings/nights! The result was a total of three hours sleep though not all in one go, so today I am tired, tired, tired! That's not good for concentrating on anything let alone a food diary. Again a complete turn around for me - tiredness would always make me crave sweet foods which in turn made me more tired, but today I haven't craved anything, not least food of any description. Results? Another fairly pedestrian day as far as meals is concerned.

Breakfast was pretty boring though the orange was really good!

Lunch was a necessity rather than a choice and so it was as simple as I could make it. The cheese was my HEX .

Dinner was a bit more adventurous, if you could call it that! Piri piri chicken which turned out to be fairly spicy. That woke me up a little! I used Nandos piri piri chicken rub which is 4 syns per packet, so 2 syns for my portion.

Have just noticed a kind of colour theme for each meal! Breakfast was orangey; lunch was green and dinner was kind of beige!

Just a short  post tonight as I need to try to sleep. If I leave it much later then I will be wide awake watching the time on that dratted clock that projects onto the ceiling. (Not a wise buy!!!)

That feeling ....... It's back.

A couple of weeks ago I had a huge weight loss because I didn't eat.  Totally the wrong way to go about things and I knew it was wrong, but things conspired against me causing me to completely lose my appetite. My relationship with food has never been an easy one but that has generally meant overeating at times of stress. To my complete surprise the opposite has happened this time and I find myself unable to eat. This past week I have eaten more and I really thought things were getting back to normal. How wrong! Today this nauseous feeling is back and I am struggling to eat. I have no appetite and the thought of food makes me feel sick. I have to cook at home, however, so I have gone through the motions, trying to optimise and attempting to eat proper meals. So here is today's offering. None of it is very imaginative but that's as good as it gets I am afraid!

I love spinach and eggs so I was hopeful and I did manage to eat. If you have not tried the combination then you really should. I cook the spinach in the microwave for about 90 seconds but I am just as happy to eat it raw! Any kind of eggs go well but runny yolks are the best!!!!

This salad looks a bit odd and the combination is I guess: melon, beans and baby sweet peppers. It was a good accompaniment to the cold chicken. I also had  a mullerlight yoghurt.

I had promised to make beef stir fry this evening so I stuck to my word. It's very quick and easy: beef strips , garlic and ginger  fried in Frylight then add Chinese five spice powder and fry until the beef is cooked. Add soy sauce and green pepper slices. I then add steamed broccoli but you could add any veg you like. Then I add water and bring to the boil. I make into a sauce by adding cornflour (remember to syn this according to how much you use). Season to taste and add more soy sauce to your taste. I served it with jasmine rice. I usually serve with a salad too but with little appetite I missed it out though the peppers and broccoli were a third of the plate!

My plan is to have some strawberries in a minute. Not a very exciting day food wise and I confess I am struggling. I must do better tomorrow! Happy Saturday evening folks. I hope you are all enjoying a glass of your favourite tipple or a treat of some kind.

The simple things in life are free!

Well here I am, day 2 of my new determination to blog. Has it had an effect on what I have been eating? Probably. Weekly shopping this morning and I had a shopping list which I didn't deviate from. A minor feat for me!!!! My menu for the week is planned so if I stick to it............. Who knows?

One benefit of a Waitrose card is that I get a free coffee and I do love their coffee. Well, I get a free newspaper too but my husband grabs that . I am more than happy with the coffee though! I save breakfast for after shopping and today the plan was for fruit and yoghurt. It was yummy!

I can't wait for the summer fruits to be back as I find this time of year a bit boring but I'm eating a variety of melons which jazzes up the bowl somewhat. If you haven't yet tried it, get some M&S 0% Greek style yoghurt. It's unbelievably creamy and very more ish! My allegiance to Liberte is no more! I tasted the M&S one by chance and could not believe that it was FREE!

I had to go to a meeting this afternoon so lunch was early for me. Once a week (usually shopping day) I treat myself to a bread roll. I'm not mad on bread but the roll is a real treat. Today I filled it 

with Turkey slices and masses of cucumber and lettuce. Sounds boring, but not to me. I also had 

some satsumas but they are not as appealing as they were. Roll on peaches, nectarines and all fruits summery!

Black coffee for me at the meeting but once it was finished (and what a frustrating meeting it was!) I treated myself to a small Kit Kat - 5.5 syns. Again it's the simple things........!

I just said my meals were planned this week, and now I'm going to confess that I changed the menu slightly tonight! SW sausages were planned but I so fancied eggs, so this is what I had:

I really enjoyed it!

Before the evening is out I am going to have some berries with yoghurt. In all, not too bad a day and the sun shone too! Happy optimising!

Last night at class I agreed that I would get back to writing my blog. It's been sooooo long since I last posted! I truly thought that once I had retired I would have all the time in the world to blog to my heart's content but strangely the opposite has happened. I think that as my days are no longer routine I do not  find the time to do the regular things like blogging. Anyway, I will try my best to post.

This is really a test attempt as it would appear that things on this platform may have changed and I suspect that some of you won't get to read this. If that is the case then I will change platforms. I researched a little tonight but decided to give this a go first!

So, since I last was on here a great deal has happened, but I'll save all of that for another time. As far as SW goes, I admit that I am struggling of late. This last couple of weeks has been the biggest struggle of all as several things in my life have seemed to implode at the same time. As a consequence I am struggling to sleep and to eat. I never thought I would say that! Not eating is no good for weight loss, though I have lost a few pounds but I know I haven't done that the correct way so keeping it off will not be easy.

Today I started with real determination. Breakfast was good but then I couldn't eat lunch. Try as I might to stick to my plan, I could not do it! I did eat something but not to plan. I was back on it this evening though - small steps.

A longer post tomorrow, but for today here is what my food day looked like:

1.5 syns for  the Laughing Cow.

3 syns for the bread!

SW ready meal chicken saag with veg and tomato& onion salad.

Add to all of that one HiFi (3 syns) a banana and a yoghurt.

See you tomorrow!