Sorry Sue!

Firstly, apologies to Sue! I promised I would get back to this blog a couple of weeks ago but just haven't done so. I could make endless excuses about being far too busy, other demands on my time, ICT issues etc etc and some of that would be applicable, but the real truth is that I have yet again been veering off plan. I've said before that for some strange reason I feel bound to tell the truth on here. I could say anything and no one would really know if I was being honest but I just can't do that!!!! So, what's happening?

Well, a short while ago I went through a very difficult time personally and stopped eating. That was the first time I can ever remember doing so and I wouldn't recommend it as a weight loss plan! Yes, I lost 8 lbs in two weeks and it really did show, but I knew it was not weight that would stay off. Once I began to eat again the weight returned, although I remain a couple of pounds lighter than I was. At the moment I am eating though I am not enthused by food. The personal issues have not gone away, but  I am better at processing them. One particular issue is a very painful one that cannot have a good outcome so I must learn to accept this and to manage it without resorting to misusing food. This recent episode has taught me a great deal about my relationship with food in that I can now see clearly how some people develop real issues and disorders. I found that although I was, and still am, helpless to change or control some of the events in my life, I could control food. I believe that not eating was my way of feeling that I was in control of something. Similarly, eating everything that is not nailed down is me feeling in charge.

Now I have no solutions for any of this but at least I have recognised it in myself. For many years I have wondered why I do what I do with my diet. Now I think I know! I just have to work on a solution. So at the moment I am slowly reintroducing gym sessions to my life (yes I stopped going there too!) and I am attempting to plan my menus. On the whole I stick to the meal plan but struggle
with the 'extras'.  I don't have much of an appetite and many is the time that I cook what is planned
only to feel that I really don't want to eat it! I am only eating small amounts, so much so that my daughter commented this week: 'Is that all you are having?' A surprising comment as she is tall and slim, completely the opposite to me! She eats healthily and watches her weight. I like to think that her mum has  influenced this, hopefully by providing good advice etc but probably by being a bad example at times!!!

Anyway, weigh in tonight (I couldn't get there last week) and I am hoping that I maintain. I think realistically I will have gained. If I have then tomorrow is another day and another week. I have the desire to lose this weight but is it burning enough? No excuses now but I am not sure. I guess I need to process a few more thoughts!

See you at the scales!!!!

Me and my girl!