I am rubbish ........Part Deux.

Oh yes I am! Why does something like food defeat me? After all in almost every other walk of my life I am in control, and in some cases, total control. What is it about food that sends me into complete mayhem where I don't feel I am managing anything? Anyone have any answers? I am not unintelligent. I set myself all sorts of targets and goals - most of which I attain - eventually! I am aware that I am probably prone to addiction. I am ashamed to say that for many many years I chewed my nails. I conquered that when I set my mind to it. Until I was 36 I smoked - and by that I mean 20 plus  a day. I stopped overnight. From the moment I made the decision until now I have NEVER had another cigarette nor been tempted to. A few years ago I gave up alcohol, (except for very special occasions). Again this was not a problem. So why not food???????

Admittedly I don't think about it as much as I used to but I just can't seem to take the upper hand. I know I want to weigh less. I know why and when for but none of that makes a dent in this real problem relationship I have with food. I need to truly understand it I think before I can wrestle back control.

Anyway Friday went like this:

Cheese (HEa) and crackers (HEb) for breakfast with fruit and a few nuts (syns but I'm not sure how many. 5 maybe?)

Lunch was chicken and salad:

So far so good and dinner was healthy- SW cottage pie with loads of spinach:

Saturday could have been a danger as it was hairdresser day so I started with 2 boiled eggs as that seems to keep me feeling full for much longer. Although I took a banana and a HiFi with me I didn't eat them. After hair was done I made for Giardino's. Never been there before. I asked for a salad of beans, potato, onions etc and got such a huge plateful! I could only eat half of it! 

You see - I can make good choices. The paninis and baguettes looked wonderful but my conscience would not let me go there!

Second recipe from the Fakeaway booking the evening - Sechuan Beef. It was yummy!

So on to Sunday and starting the day with boiled egg, crispbreads and fruit again (I rarely get bored with this!) lunch was jacket potato with beans, followed by fruit and yoghurt. As it was Sunday - roast lamb for dinner. Not one of my favourites so I concentrated on the vegetables! Made SW roast potatoes teamed up with peas and cauliflower.

Had enough yet? No? Well let's just skate through Monday and then we are just about up to date! Yoghurt and fruit for breakfast. I must admit I am tiring of this a little though perhaps once the summer fruits are in abundance it will make a big difference.

I made goulash from The Little Lunch Book on Sunday ready for lunch on Monday and Tuesday. I added peas and followed up with satsumas for a planned and healthy lunch!

So just dinner to sort. I had no inspiration and with only myself to cook for I opted for the easy option - omelette. I have to say it looks a darn sight better than it tasted! Very plain and uninteresting is all I can say but I can only blame myself for that!

I am just rubbish!!

It's been so long since I last blogged. Again, no real excuse, just laziness on my part and perhaps some reluctance to be totally honest!!! Easter Monday was leftovers day. Not too bad as that meant chicken. I started the day with fruit and yoghurt then followed up with some leftover pork and Mexican bean bake.

Mexican bean bake is a great recipe to eat day after day, I never tire of it!

I really do like cold chicken so it was no great pain to eat that with salad and pickled vegetables. Followed by fruit I felt very healthy!

So back to school on Tuesday. That was hard as there was a shared breakfast of croissants. I took

yoghurt and fruit but an almond croissant called me and I am afraid I gave in! I dread to think how many syns that was but there's no point in beating myself up. It was done so I just have to move on and try not to let that ruin everything. I tried so hard at lunch time and stuck to my salad and cold meat. Oh how I wanted another croissant! 

How pleased am I that Lent is over and cheese is back on the menu! With others at home still eating leftovers I had my favourite jacket potato with my HEa of cheese! Teamed with pickles it was delicious!

Fruit and yoghurt followed. I had not had my HEb but I really could not manage that after my croissant blip! I even had no more syns for the day. Every little helps, I tell myself.

So to Wednesday and weigh in again. Wednesdays are always lean days so fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and beans on toast (HEb) fir lunch, followed by fruit.

Even though I was holding my breath I knew it would not be good news from the scales. After all Easter AND my birthday was not a good omen. Sure enough the pound I lost last week was back on again. Ggrrrrrrrr! I have no one to blame but myself!

When I got home I was determined but Wednesday is usually treat night. I had chicken Katsu with 

rice but followed that with my last mini chocolate egg and some ice cream. I reckon that was all of 

my 15 syns and a little bit more!! 

Easter and my birthday is now officially over so I MUST get back into the swing! 

Beginning of a new week and a new resolve ...... Yoghurt and melon for breakfast - just the rest my stomach was craving! 

Trying hard, lunch was chicken stir fry and rice. I topped up with fruit and tried really, really hard to avoid the biscuits and chocolates still floating around at work. It is sooooo difficult.

Yoghurt and fruit is a sure fire top up.  I have tried drinking diet coke as well to fill me up between meals. I am not convinced that works. I have a fear it just makes me feel hungry. Will have to monitor that one. 

The days seem quite long food wise since I have been back at work this week. I am not sure I eat any more at home but I think it is in my mind that I could just go to the fridge if I needed to! Anyway, dinner was piri piri chicken with vegetables. I seem to be eating a lot of chicken just lately - am checking the clucking and sprouting feathers!!!! 

Enough is enough I hear you shout! Apologies for the lengthy blog. I will catch up with the rest if the week tomorrow. Just as a teaser .....it's not all plain sailing. My resolve is being stretched to the limits!!!

More downs than ups!

Wednesday was a reasonable day. Fruit and yoghurt for breakfast - well it was weigh in day! The brighter weather makes everything seem less onerous so eating doesn't appear to be too much of a problem. Again I was busy so lunch was late. Strangely again I fancied a sandwich, which isn't like me! I opted for a toasted turkey and salad sandwich and again the thought was better than the reality!

I did follow it with yoghurt and satsumas. The yoghurt was 0.5 syn.

I didn't eat anything else as weigh in was looming! I was so pleased to have lost a pound! Wish I could do that every week. I spent time thinking about how I had managed that but my success was clouded with the fact that the next day was my birthday and then it was Easter weekend with all that brings! When I got home I was too tired to think about cooking. Natasha told me she was going

home to fried eggs and I could not get that out of my mind so that's what I had!

Had to count the bread as syns (5) and followed up with berries for my super free. Not too bad a day!

Wish I could say that about Thursday! Well it was my birthday. Anyway, I started with porridge and berries to try to give myself a good base. That was all that was good about the day I think! I won't go into everything I ate, but whenever I hesitated, someone would say: 'go on. It is your birthday'. I don't even dare count flexible syns. We went out for dinner and I even had half a bottle of wine (not like me at all). Maybe reaching my official state retirement age had something to do with my kamikaze attitude! Anyway enough said! The scales next week will reveal all.

Friday was not too much better as once I am off the rails it is hard to get back on them. I made fleeting attempts to stick to a SW plan and did ensure I ate fruit but it was a struggle. My friend came 

round and we had a hot cross bun with our tea - well it was Good Friday! I made fish pie for dinner. 

Not a SW recipe but not far off. I made sure I had a pile of green beans too!

Somewhere along the line I picked up a cold so I spent most  of Saturday feeling awful. I was so cold all day and really didn't fancy anything. I don't know if that is worse than wanting to eat everything! 

In the evening I made SW chips with sausages (2syns) and had tomatoes as my super free. That's what I mean about attempts to stick to SW.

Well to Sunday. I had 7 people coming for  lunch so made chicken. Most people like that! One sure fire dish for a larger number of people is SW Mexican bean bake. It is so simple to make and almost everyone likes it. As an accompaniment it fills people up! If any vegetarians are eating then it solves the problem of a main dish for them. I am afraid I didn't make SW roast potatoes, but I am not sure why! The one good thing was that having cooked all the food I didn't really eat that much.  There was one big danger though - desert! My friend made the most wonderful bread and butter pudding full of cream and rum. It smelt glorious and so I just had to have some. Well, it was Easter Sunday!

So, Easter is just about over. Holidays are just about over. There's plenty of cold chicken left for tomorrow. I sent the remainder of the pudding home with my friend! Monday has got to be be a better day - back on track I hope. See you soon!

Catch up .......again!

I am simply not too well organised in the holidays it seems. Doesn't bode well for retirement! I am not keeping up with the blogging, but in my defense I have carried on with writing my daily food diary. It is something, at least.

Sunday was an ok kind of day. I varied breakfast by having spaghetti on toast, followed by fruit. Made a change but I did miss my eggs!!! It all kept me going until I had pasta, ham and vegetables at lunch time. Again the planning and the thought was better than the reality. I am so not inspired at the moment. Shame really as there is enough for tomorrow!

I have been knitting my Easter egg cosies again so that kept my hands busy - no chance to pick! I did manage some chocolate again though @ 5 syns. A coconut yoghurt added half a syn.

Made roast for dinner - gammon, potatoes and cabbage. I really do like cabbage. Sad I know!

Monday started with eggs and crispbreads followed by kiwi and banana. It was a pretty busy day so lunch was late. Again I am amazed at how long I can go before I eat. I was in town and in the past have planned where and what I am going to eat as I walk around, but these days I am more than content to wait until I get home. It was a bit more of a struggle though, as I knew I was eating the rest of the pasta from the day before!!! Still I rewarded myself with my favourite Liberte natural yoghurt and berries.

More knitting in the afternoon before I prepared yet another recipe from the Fakeaway book - this time prawn dopiaza. It was very simple to make and there was plenty of it. My husband loved it but to me it was just okay. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it was not what I wanted to eat. That happens sometimes. Then again it may have been because it was not what I thought it would be like from the photo in the book! Whatever, it was okay and I finished it! I followed it with a Muller yoghurt and a pear. Syns for the day were spent on yet more chocolate (5).

Now Tuesday was a tricky day as I suddenly had to go into work and that was not planned! Breakfast was good - the same old .....egg, crispbreads and fruit. I had no idea how long I would be so should have  taken lunch with me, but I didn't. Bad mistake!!!!! It took far longer than anticipated and I got hungry. I searched the office cupboard and could only find a bag of crisps (6 syns) then ate chocolate buttons (8.5). A really dreadful diet and so bad for me I know. I could have kicked myself afterwards. When I eventually got home I did make myself a jacket potato with beans followed by berries and yoghurt. Not quite redeeming myself, but a start!

Dinner had been planned. I made a rich beef casserole from one of my old Extra Easy recipe books. It was lovely - rich and full of chunky carrots. The recipe accompanied it with mustard mash but I decided just to stick with cabbage - a huge plateful, and a small plain boiled potato. Having gone overboard with syns in the middle of the day, that was it for me - no more treats before bedtime! Just my birthday and Easter weekend to negotiate now!!!

A Saturday syner

I've written out my weekly plan, and have been writing down my daily diary. How easy should it then  be to stick to it? I have tried - honestly, but things just seem to get in my way. Saturday is weekly shopping day and that was a breeze because it was all written down. Breakfast was eggs but this time I poached them. I saw a new method on a tv programme this week so thought I would give it a go. It involved breaking an egg into cling film lining a mug, twisting the cling film and dropping into boiling water. A good idea maybe but it was a bit of a disaster! Perhaps if I do it again I will spray the cling film with Fry Light first. Anyway, toast and fruit too made it a reasonable breakfast.

All through the day I was ok but again busy so lunch was late. I am afraid I grabbed a sandwich BUT I counted the bread as syns (5). Filled the sandwich with ham, cucumber and tomato. I don't often have a sandwich so I thought it would be a real treat, but I wasn't that impressed! I also had some fruit.

An ok day so far? Probably yes, but then.............. I went to the cinema with my friend. Determined to do well, we had no sweets or popcorn, and just bought a bottle of fizzy water. I can't believe that they charged £2.75 for a bottle!!!!!! Note to self - take your own next time. When we came out we decided to eat so plumped for Nando's. Well it was near and there was no queue! I tried really hard to make good choices. She had a chicken wrap which looked soooooo good, but I stuck to grilled chicken with rice. We had minty peas as well and diet coke. I think that isn't too bad - 2.5 syns for the rice, and maybe 2 for the chicken? Am not sure about the peas as I couldn't find them in my directory.  I could not resist the frozen yoghurt though which people tell me is syn free. I am taking them at their word!

I'm afraid this is a commercial photo. I didn't have the sweetcorn and I have to say the chicken was considerably smaller!

Well, I enjoyed it so no good punishing myself. Onward and upwards as they say. Tomorrow is another day.

A question of organisation

Once out of my normal work routine I find it so difficult to organise myself. For one thing I seem to get up later which throws me somewhat though I guess I haven't changed breakfast time! The problem is with lunch which can be any time between 1.00 pm and 4.30 pm it seems. In some ways that is good as it means I am slowly not thinking about food as much as I always have done! In the past the next meal would be at the forefront of my mind and I would feel hungry all the time. Now if I am busy then lunch takes a back seat. Fine you might think, but if lunch is late then that upsets dinner, and so on! Gosh, it's complicated!

Breakfast was my usual boiled egg, crispbreads and fruit. I then started to clear out more junk which kept me busy for most of the morning and into the afternoon. With stuff strewn all over the living room floor I just could not stop to eat, so again lunch was very late. That also means I am somewhat beyond bothering so I heated some leftover fried rice and had some sliced turkey with it. I followed that with rhubarb and yoghurt again!

I have to say that the egg fried rice from the new Fakeaway book is delicious!

During the afternoon I did try to prepare my weekly menu and even wrote out the shopping list. Sometimes I do listen to myself! Lunch is an issue again because I am never really inspired and lack ideas.  I need to scour the 7 day menus again in the old SW. Magazines. Had a cup of tea and some more bread pudding (4syns) which boosted the afternoon!

I bought spinach at the farm shop earlier in the week so I planned my dinner around that as I do love it! I teamed it up with some gammon (a good combination) and some Jersey potatoes - so good at this time of year. As I am conscious of trying to do well this week I added some tomatoes!

Tonight I treated myself to a gin and tonic. Not sure why but I fancied one! Trouble is that then gave me a craving for something sweet so I succumbed to some chocolate! Not a bad day in all though top range for  syns -  bread pudding (4), gin and tonic (4), chocolate (4).

Yet again I am struggling with HEa. I know I should have a milky drink at night but somehow it just does not happen. Having given up cheese for Lent it makes HEa harder for me. Still, only a few days to go before Easter! Which reminds me - steer clear of the hot cross buns!! 

Anyone fancy a Fakeaway?

A fresh start today and what better than to begin by flicking through a new cook book? I am amazed at the recipes in the Fakeaway book, many of which look just like the 'real' thing, but I bet mine won't look the same! I realised whilst browsing that I haven't been planning out my week for a little while, I have been kind of making it up as I go along. What I need to do is prepare a week of menus before my weekly shop and then do my best to stick to it. So that's my plan for tomorrow, together with putting all my SW cook books on my new bookshelf. I am pleased about that but it will involve the chaos of sorting the bookcase they are currently shelved on. Nothing is ever simple!

Being at home means I can have a 'proper' breakfast - well a boiled egg at least! I do love them and never get bored. Since I discovered the Heston Blumenthal method of boiling an egg I am virtually guaranteed a perfectly soft one every time. Mmmmmmm! I also had a big bowl of super speed strawberries today:

For some reason I got so involved in things during the day that lunch completely slipped my mind. I received a copy of my mate's new book in the post (The Gentleman Tramp by Toby Glover), and spent ages flicking through it and generally appreciating it. I so love the feel of new books, and a dedication inside from the author is the icing on the cake! Anyway, lunch was very late and consisted of leftovers from the night before last. Yummy none the less! A banana to follow teamed up with a Muller mango Greek yoghurt (half a syn).

Dinner was Thai Green curry and egg fried rice from Fakeaway. Both were a great success! I can't wait to try some more recipes. I bought prawns to give the Thai fish cakes a go soon and also the prawn curry. Maybe the sag aloo will be next thought!!!! During the evening I had a big bowl of rhubarb with natural yoghurt. (One of my favourite deserts). I did succumb to some fudge later on. Well, it was calling to me from the fridge! I have counted the syns though - 5 for two squares.

All in all not a bad day. 13 syns though - butter (2), bread pudding (4), mango yoghurt (0.5), curry (1.5), fudge (5). Might have to watch that they don't creep up!

So what's up?

It's the time of year when I find it really difficult to stay on the straight and narrow. I love spring and Easter and quite often Easter falls around my birthday. I don't need much more of an excuse to go mad! Trouble is I can avoid buying things for home but the staffroom is packed with goodies. These for instance:

I could not resist chocolate eggs, Easter biscuits, hot cross buns, chocolate cake and so on. I went crazy, so much so that I am sure I o.d'd on sugar! I knew I should not be doing it but all my willpower went out of the window.  I forgot how relieved I was not to gain weight whilst I was away. I was on this spiral and hell bent on zooming head on into a truly chocolatey Easter! Thank goodness end of term arrived!

I tried to balance the haywire chocolate/sugar fest with SW meals and for the most part managed
apart from a Chinese takeaway on Friday. Even then I didn't overdo it, sticking to beef in black bean
with green peppers and the odd spare rib. Other people followed this with trifle but I resisted (angelic? No! Guilty!)

Sunday saw a birthday tea for Charlie who was celebrating his 89th. Avoided alcohol but could not steer clear of the 'beige party food' or indeed the home made cakes.  Still I kept
on with the SW meals around all of this. I even visited the farm shop in Biggin Hill and stocked up on  fresh veg as well as a couple of slices of the special bread pudding at 8 syns a slice. They are really
yummy but I do gave to say that I found the slice too hearty and will cut my 2nd one in half!!

So, weigh in last night! I truly was expecting a gain but the scales told me again that I had maintained. I don't know how many of my nine lives I have used up but I really didn't deserve that! I came home and had my 'favourite' after class dinner.

Having eaten that I filled myself with the resolve to have a much better week. I have looked through the new Fakeaway cook book and am inspired to try out new recipes. As I type a new bookshelf is being put up in the kitchen to house all my SW books. Let's see what this week brings!

A roller coaster ride!

Hello again! I've been 'missing' for quite a little while and that should speak volumes. I'm back and struggling a little which always happens when I go off plan for a bit. Let me update you.............

The last time I posted I had just weighed in. I knew I was going to be away for a few days so I did what many of us do - thought as I wasn't weighing in next week I didn't need to bother too much. So ..... I didn't! Well, I didn't go too mad but when travelling first class on Virgin trains you have what you are offered- don't you? It wasn't all bad but not particularly SW. Whilst away I celebrated my son's 30th birthday with a wonderful brunch in a lovely little cafe:

I didn't manage all the toast but it was delicious!

Wish I could say that the rest of the time was as careful but it wasn't. We had a Thai meal but I abstained from wine and stuck to water all evening. Thereafter I ate whatever I thought I would but started off each day with a carefully selected hotel breakfast. I tried to avoid lunch and then made the best of a choice from restaurant menus. Each day we walked and walked and walked. It was also sooooo cold so I hoped that I was using calories to keep warm!

As soon as I got back I had 1 day before weigh in! This I what it looked like:

Day 1

I was dreading weigh in and was totally amazed that I maintained! All that walking was definitely worth it!