Almost there!

So..... as Lent approached I thought I would give up two things until Easter. Being a challenge to myself I decided upon probably the two hardest things for me ............ chocolate and meat!!!! There are no moral reasons for either, rather I was thinking that to forgo both for a while might do me good. Well, i'm 42 days in (there are actually 46 days in Lent, not 40! Sundays don't count as Lent!) and i'm doing ok. Considering that I have had to circumnavigate my anniversary, lunch and a theatre trip, a few coffee dates, an overnight stay in Eastbourne celebrating a birthday, a tragic family event and my son's birthday, I don't think I have fared badly!

Meat has been so much easier that chocolate. I will tell you why! Although planning and preparing meals has been challenging, especially as the rest of the household are carnivores, it has been perfectly possible to eat well and on plan. Eating out can be difficult as quite often vegetarian alternatives on menus  are limited and invariably include cheese. It has sometimes meant choosing the vegan option! I have eaten vegetables in more guises than I ever thought possible! I can honestly say that I have not missed meat - not even once! I now think that come Easter and the end of the Lent period I will return to meat eating but am planning to limit it to a couple of days a week. I am not going to preach, as each to their own, but I have felt better without meat in my diet - less tired and sluggish for a start! So, I will give it a go and try to limit my intake. I will continue with more vegetables and pulses and hopefully discover more interesting and delicious recipes.

As  for the chocolate issue - I never intended to give up sweet, sugary things, just chocolate. I started off really well and didn't miss it especially as I allowed myself some sweet syns. To be honest I have not missed chocolate at all but trying to stay clear of it is much more of a challenge! Everywhere you go its on a menu. Friends and relatives offer it to you as a treat (even my little grandson tries to share his chocolate by sticking bits of it in granny's mouth!) and whenever you meet someone for coffee they are persuading you to have a cake or pastry. Saying 'no thanks' has been hard! As time has gone on I found that whilst I always remembered not to eat meat, not to snack on it or pick at it, I can't say the same about chocolate. It has been all too easy to pop some in my mouth without thinking. So, there has been the odd occasion when a biscuit with chocolate on it has found itself in my mouth, but I have refused all offers of a chocolate or chocolate cake. Do I miss it? Probably. Do I crave it? Not really. Do I feel better for not eating it? Definately!

Easter weekend will be a real challenge, There are Easter baskets overflowing with eggs aplenty round here! To resist to any degree will be sooooo difficult I know but I am determined not to overindulge. I know I will eat chocolate. I know that I can control my intake if I try - after all I will have done almost 40 days 'cold turkey'.

So, I am proud of myself for giving it a go and managing as well as I have. I can't say it did a great deal for my weight loss, though I have lost a little, but who knows if the lack of meat or chocolate contributed. Just weigh in this week and then the Easter weekend to survive! I love hot cross buns so am going to the baker to buy exactly the number I need. That way I know I need to allow about 9 syns for my treat. No multi packs for me as I am always the one who eats them up!

Have a happy Easter weekend everyone!

NSVs

 In my working life I was self assured, confident, forward thinking and motivated right up until the day I retired.  Oh how I wish I could transfer all of the above into my private life, but its not that easy, is it? Just to have a bit more of that motivation and self confidence in other walks of my life would be great - especially in my SW journey. I know its in there, I've seen it, but trying to drag it all out and apply it is proving to be a real challenge.

Motivation engulfs me from time to time but sustaining it is much more of a challenge. Its because I am so easily led as far as food is concerned!!! I don't need much of an excuse to stray from my plan though the gremlins in my head are always present. I tell myself I have time to pull things back as it's 'only Thursday' then before I realise it's Tuesday evening and I am staring at weigh in day. Where does that time go?

Well, yesterday was Wednesday again. The scales awaited me and I knew it was not going to be good. This week it will be because I have not nearly eaten enough.  That, I think, is due to the fact that last week the wind caught the car door and whacked me in the face. Left me feeling nauseous for a couple of days so I hardly ate. Yes, I gained a pound. 😟

On a positive note, since Christmas I have gone back to measuring myself so there are some non scales victories (NSVs) to console and encourage myself with. Overall inches losses amount to 3 inches so that in itself is worth celebrating! If you don't measure yourself it is never too late to start. Get a tape measure and note down your measurements. I measure bust, waist, hips and thigh. Some people also measure upper arms but that's an area I prefer not to focus on as my bingo wings are all too evident! I also used to keep a piece of string in my purse and would mark a 'notch' on it from time
to time just to show myself how my NSVs were going! I need to resurrect that piece of string!

I know for me the results on the scales are not always as rewarding as I want them to be so I need those other little 'victories'. They keep me going if not entirely motivated. I draw the line at sticking awful pictures of myself around the house and kitchen but I do have them on my phone for the moments when I need a little nudge or a big kick. Doesn't always work but just sometimes it's all I need. What I need to do now is to find out what others do to give them that motivation that we all need from time to time!

Meanwhile, I faced the scales last night in the knowledge that the number may not be good but at least the inches look better this week!

I need to rethink planning!

Ive got all sorts of formats for planning my week and I do use them. I religiously fill out my weekly food plan, usually on a Thursday, and I add things to my shopping list. I am always ready to tell new members how important planning is, and I do believe it, but............

I have suddenly realised that my planning is only covering half of what I need to do! I know it should have occurred to me by now as every week I'm asked: 'Is there anything that is going to get in your way this week?' Honestly, I do think of those occasions that I might have in my diary and I do try to plan around those. I have some success though my good intentions are sometimes just that and I get waylaid! To be very honest though, its not the events and special occasions that ruin my plans!

Thinking about it all today, I am failing miserably on the mundane and regular occurrences. I now see that I don't plan for them! To give you a perfect example................. every Monday I look after my 18 month old grandson. Now, I have planned Monday in my food diary and I know exactly what I should be eating but then life gets in the way. so what goes wrong?

I pick him up at 7.30 am and head back home for breakfast.  Its fairly hit and miss though it shouldn't be. I SHOULD plan overnight oats or something that I have prepared in advance because if breakfast involves toast or eggs for instance, chances are I'm not going to manage to have them so - I either don't eat or I eat whatever is to hand. (First mistake!)

The morning hurtles towards his lunch time. Believe it or not, his is well planned and prepared! I don't fall into the trap of eating what he leaves, but I'm not organised enough to have my lunch prepared. I had forgotten how difficult is is to cook or prepare anything with a toddler around! The result is that again I grab whatever is available and ready but inevitably it doesn't fill me up. Quite often we bake together (its one of his favourite things to do with granny!) Yes I have planned it and no, I don't lick the bowl. I do have to taste what we have made though and I know I shouldn't but I don't consider the consequences. What I should have done is planned my 'treat' in advance, or at least allowed for the syns, but does that happen? No! Why? Because I haven't planned for it!

Having given him his tea, I take him home again at 6.30 pm. By the time I get back home I am pretty much beyond eating anything at all, despite the fact that it is often prepared. Then the evening is ruined because I'm picking and  compensating for my lack of proper breakfast/lunch/dinner. The tragedy is, I have planned, I know what I should be doing, but EVERY WEEK I fall into the same traps! If I am not careful on Tuesday I am on the same bandwagon and sidestep my plans because I did that on Monday. I am on that hamster wheel again!

Need I say more? The same thing happens when I go out with friends or family or I suddenly have to do something different. I know what I have planned to eat but I have forgotten in the planning that I might not be in the right place to eat it as I am likely trundling round the supermarket or ferrying people in 'mum's taxi'.

 So you see, I do plan, but I forget everyday life in all of that. I can manage to 'one offs' and 'specials'. I can cope with the parties and drinks and I can even manage the restaurants. What I cant seem to manage is the everyday occurrence that serves me a 'curved ball'. Is it a problem with the planning, a  real conundrum, the inevitable, life in general? Or, am I making excuses??????????? The jury is out but if I'm honest I know what the answer is!

Time for cakes!

Mmmmmm biscuits!

Lets not panic now !

Right. First weigh in of the new year over and done with. It is what it is so let's move on! Lucky is the person that can lose weight over Christmas .........i'm not one of them!

Secondly, thank you to those people who commented on my previous blog last night.

'No more messing around,' I am telling myself. 'There's the scenic route to target and there's the 'I'm hideously lost and going round in circles route'. Much as I hate admitting it, the latter is me and has been for a little while now. I am not sure why but I need to shake myself up as in 9 months time I will be MOTHER OF THE BRIDE. Those of you who have followed me for a while may remember that I first started this journey when I was to be Mother of the Groom. I was determined to lose weight as I realised that those wedding photos would be on display for years to come so I wanted to look as good as possible in them. Vain, I know!

Well, here we go again! Realistically I have about 7 months before I really need to look for an outfit. I don't do muted colours so it will have to be bright and bold. In which, case I need to be smaller!!!!


The before and after last time........

not very flattering holiday pic!

         

mother of the bride - 2 stones lighter

I know I can do it. I might need some help/encouragement but do you know what? Ultimately it is down to me! Watch this space......

Where have I been????

Sue, this one is for you........ After all you have been nudging me for long enough!

So, where have I been? The simple answer is, nowhere really. It's been so long since I posted that I can't remember where I was up to at that time. Best then to draw a line and move on I guess. It's safe to say that I am no further forward with my weight loss than I was then though I am no worse off which is something. Just a whole load of marking time which is not good however you look at it. I guess for my own benefit I need to reel out the 'excuses' so that it's all out of the way........ Apart from the weight, much has changed!

At the time of my last blog a very very close friend was seriously ill and I found it almost impossible to concentrate on anything. It was an horrendous time and one I would not wish to repeat in a hurry. His death left us all devastated, and I guess we still miss him so much, especially around celebration times. At the same time my daughter was not in a good place emotionally. We are very close so I spent a lot of time with her. It was a traumatic time but we all go through such things from time to time. It was, however, another excuse for me not to care about myself or my weight!

One joy on my horizon was the birth of my grandson Oskar. He gives us all so much pleasure and happiness and at 17 months old he has captured our hearts. Being 'granny' is amazing and I get to look after him one day a week. We do lovely things together - painting, cooking, printing, singing, drawing, reading etc etc etc.but sticking to food plans on Oskar days is a challenge!

I could go on with the excuses but I won't because that is what they are - excuses. It's the 1st January. I've made one resolution to use less e-communications and to try to write to friends and family more. Today I've written 8 letters! I've impressed myself. I know I should make a weight related resolution but I think that I may just jinx myself so I won't! I have a goal though as my lovely daughter is getting married in October. I want a stunning outfit but I don't want it in my current size, so .... I need to do something about that. I think I have until the summer before I go out to buy an outfit and I have to be smaller than I am. 

I am going to try my best but I am not naive enough to think I don't need help! I can't commit to a regular daily blog like before but I will post when I can - at least weekly! It won't be easy - the food plan/weight loss or the blogging but I will do my best!

   

I'm on it!

Ok  so this morning I am determined. I gained half a pound  last night which isn't bad for two weeks but it isn't good either!!!! I'm still puzzled by my relationship with food but seeing as it's been that way for 60+ years I guess it will be hard to figure!!! Last night in group I decided to try eating little and often. I think I also need to change up what I am eating.

This morning i've been shopping and come home with a few different things. Tonight when I get a moment I will go through the recipes in the new magazine and perhaps plan the week. This morning's new food was Heck sausages! I am not overly keen on the SW sausages unless in a casserole but these Chicken Italia sausages were not at all bad! Syns Online told me that 2 sausages = 1/2 syn. Well worth it I feel.

My challenge will be this evening as I am going to my book club at 6.30 pm and if the past is anything to go by then I will have to force myself to eat properly when I get home. I could cook something before I go but I have now left it too late as I am in a school this afternoon. My determination MUST win out! I just wish I was a fan of the SW frozen meals but I am not sold on them. They would make my life easier.

Anyway, my SW journey started as I wanted to lose weight for my son's wedding. I figured that photos would be in display for many a year and I really didn't want people to see a 'fat me' in them! Vanity or what?! I did well and bought an amazingly expensive outfit for the special day. So this morning I've looked back at those photos and others that were taken around the same time. My resolve now is to firstly get back into these outfits and then to do better, perhaps with them being too big! I can dream, but as I always tell people: 'follow your dreams!'

Sorry Sue!

Firstly, apologies to Sue! I promised I would get back to this blog a couple of weeks ago but just haven't done so. I could make endless excuses about being far too busy, other demands on my time, ICT issues etc etc and some of that would be applicable, but the real truth is that I have yet again been veering off plan. I've said before that for some strange reason I feel bound to tell the truth on here. I could say anything and no one would really know if I was being honest but I just can't do that!!!! So, what's happening?

Well, a short while ago I went through a very difficult time personally and stopped eating. That was the first time I can ever remember doing so and I wouldn't recommend it as a weight loss plan! Yes, I lost 8 lbs in two weeks and it really did show, but I knew it was not weight that would stay off. Once I began to eat again the weight returned, although I remain a couple of pounds lighter than I was. At the moment I am eating though I am not enthused by food. The personal issues have not gone away, but  I am better at processing them. One particular issue is a very painful one that cannot have a good outcome so I must learn to accept this and to manage it without resorting to misusing food. This recent episode has taught me a great deal about my relationship with food in that I can now see clearly how some people develop real issues and disorders. I found that although I was, and still am, helpless to change or control some of the events in my life, I could control food. I believe that not eating was my way of feeling that I was in control of something. Similarly, eating everything that is not nailed down is me feeling in charge.

Now I have no solutions for any of this but at least I have recognised it in myself. For many years I have wondered why I do what I do with my diet. Now I think I know! I just have to work on a solution. So at the moment I am slowly reintroducing gym sessions to my life (yes I stopped going there too!) and I am attempting to plan my menus. On the whole I stick to the meal plan but struggle
with the 'extras'.  I don't have much of an appetite and many is the time that I cook what is planned
only to feel that I really don't want to eat it! I am only eating small amounts, so much so that my daughter commented this week: 'Is that all you are having?' A surprising comment as she is tall and slim, completely the opposite to me! She eats healthily and watches her weight. I like to think that her mum has  influenced this, hopefully by providing good advice etc but probably by being a bad example at times!!!

Anyway, weigh in tonight (I couldn't get there last week) and I am hoping that I maintain. I think realistically I will have gained. If I have then tomorrow is another day and another week. I have the desire to lose this weight but is it burning enough? No excuses now but I am not sure. I guess I need to process a few more thoughts!

See you at the scales!!!!

Me and my girl!